Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
