He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
