tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
