Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
