she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
