how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
