i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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