I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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