I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
