I just pynch a tree in the face
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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