ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
