Someone shit on the floor
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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