You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
