What did we do last night that was yellow?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
