They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
