How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize