He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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