dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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