Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
