I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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