she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
