This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
