Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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