Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
