and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
