He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
