i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
