All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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