Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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