We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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