I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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