Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
