I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
