Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
actually, I'm a sock model
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
