make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
