Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
