a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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