butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
