I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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