I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
