I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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