I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
