Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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