i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was confusing and full of hummus
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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