Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
