I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
