You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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