we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
