i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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