You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Randomize
