By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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