do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wear drunk well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
