I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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