I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
