Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
